Sword & a Sue
by Manny Siliezar
Summary: What happens when an author is bedridden and has nothing better to do but read Deadpool comics? A good drabble will surely follow. But what if Deadpool is just far too much madness to handle? What type of crowd control can go toe-to-toe against the merc with a mouth? A Sue of course! Rated M for Deadpool Crude Antics.


Deadpool was perhaps one of the most 'unique' anti-heroes one could ever meet. No, it wasn't just because he had an odd fascination for chimichangas or wore red and black spandex over his bullet riddled body. Even his erotic fantasies with death were somewhat understandable, still not the weirdest thing a superhero did. His greatest and most irritating trait was the fact he-

"Yeah, Yeah quit your yammering, get onto the setting already."

... It was a beautiful spring day.

"Really, that's the best you can do? Where's the effort? How half-assed is this going to be, cause when I signed the contract, it said I was going to be a star after this."

Uhh, the sun was a blistering blaze, merciless temperatures that scorched one if spent outside all too carelessly.

"Is that your best impression of Hell? It has a cozier ambiance to tell you the truth."

Are you going to let me finish?

"Oh ho ho, Author here thinks he can just break the wall whenever he pleases?" Deadpool mocked.

"Damn right I'm mocking, now continue the setting, this has to be perfect."

The merc with a mouth was resting comfortable on a lawn chair, umbrella embedded in the dirt provided shade and a small glass table was to the side. The table contained contents of all sorts of beverage delicacies. He crossed his legs and arms as he relaxed. The heat was a nonexistent inconvenience in his perfectly laid out life.

"I'm broke as fuck. Write me some money."

...You just ruined my rating, now it's at the very least a T.

"Write me up some big breasted honnies while you're at it, it's been a while since I had the ole dull machete slaying."

Correction... It's at the least Rated M.

"I don't see you writing?"

You can't even see me at all.

"Your just like the rest, fat and round glued to the computer all day, why else would you be restricted to your room, now write me up bitches!"

How did you know I was bedridden?

"I read the summary... By the way, who's this Sue? Does she got the milkies to play?"

Sue? Right... She's a special person that is held dear in all our hearts, I'm not sure you would want to ever play with her, she's quite the rough houser.

"I watched fifty shades, how more rough could it get? Oh and where are my boys, it gets lonely up here without them."

You mean... the voices in your head?

"No Holmes, I'm talking about those nonexistent hookers your promised."

**Where are we? **(Serious)

_Who cares, Deadpool's here and he has bitches!_ (Stupid)

_I take offense to that, I consider myself sanely challenged. _

Why did I agree to do this.

**You were bored?**

"No he was going to write me some girls to bang, Now get to it!" Deadpool ordered.

Quickly, large breasted women spawned from nowhere, their images forming from thin air swamping the red assassin's chair. The merc wolf whistled as he ogled the ladies lustfully.

Fortunately for those poorly accompanied women, another was created. A delayed clone so to say.

She crossed her arms over her beautifully silk skin ["the fuck?"]

Her name: Mary Nightshade Ashley Veronica Sue.

She had an empowering atmosphere about her that made the other girls instantly jealous. Deadpool on the other shot up from his seat, walked over and bowed down before her.

She wore conservative clothing, a shirt, hoodie and jacket over top along two pair of pants. The colours were vibrant. She had mismatching neon pink and purple eyes and fiery red stunning hair that mesmerized Deadpool.

"Your majesty, I think I'm in love."

_What the hell happen to him?_

**I think it's the Sue's ability to make people act uncharacteristically. He has no control of his mind anymore. **

When did he ever?

_Please, just leave it to us, we can handle all the wall breaking around these parts._

**Just continue to paint the picture. **

Mary Sue, for short, crossed her arms in a dignified fashion as she looked down upon her new slave. Circling him like with a focused gaze, she observed the merc as if he were a product to buy.

"Time out, Aren't you hot? Please allow me to take that jacket from you M'lady." Deadpool politely stated.

_Oh god, he didn't even mention breasts once!?_

**This has to stop. **

Mary giggled, instantaneously making all the other girls burn up in their own rage. Evidently frustrated, the girls left the scene giving despicable glances towards the couple's way.

_Couple? They can't tie us down!_

**Never thought I'd see him so whipped...**

"Now, Dpool, you mind getting me a nice big diamond." Mary coolly asked.

Wait, what?

Mary was not suppose to ask for things that would only provoke the killer assassin to do highly illegal sorts of felonies. Regardless, she did, proving how sinisterly evil her mindset was. She swayed her legs in a pendulum manner as she pouted her lower lip. Deadpool quickly obliged teleporting away.

_Ha! Seems like you lost control of Mary!_

**This is one bad train wreck after another. **

"Listen you three, I've had enough of you." Mary snapped, her eyes narrowed and jaw tight.

_NO WAY! You can hear us?_

**Three? There's only two voices here.**

"Yes I can hear you. And don't forget the inexperienced author over here." Mary slyly put.

_You're being chirped by your own creation_.

**Quite the Frankenstein story. **

This really is turning into a nightmare. The sky visibly darkened as the author felt a dire need to personify his feelings into the wretched story. The clouds became heavy as an inevitable downpour commenced. The droplets were heavy and dangerously acidic.

_Acidic? LIKE LEMONS!_

**Acid rain?**

Mary frowned as she huddled under the umbrella for protection. Her odd eyes a burning fury of unrealised anger.

"You can't keep me on a leash, no one can control me!" Mary screamed, the sound of her voice as angelic as a soothing violin.

_Where's Deadpool? _

**He finished his heist, he should be here shortly. **

On cue, the infamous merc with a mouth teleported back onto the scene. He stood under the corrosive liquids, paying them little attention. He had a massive brown sack slung over his shoulder. Likely where he held the diamonds. He made his way under the umbrella with his newly loved. The two shared the lawn chair in a cuddling fashion.

"What took you so long darling?" Mary questioned, the sternness in her voice overlooked.

"Had a chat with someone on the way here."

**He did?**

_Even when whipped, manages to get down and dirty, that hound dog you. _

"I just have one thing to say to you Sue." Deadpool started, evidently waiting for a response by the woman in question.

"What is it?" Mary asked nervously.

"I'm faithful to my lady deep down."

**What?**

_Huh? _

I'm calling bullshit. Anyways, Dpool slowly closed the space between the two of their lips. This was a feat worth mentioning as he still was carrying the heavy sack. Plus he was wearing a mask, That kiss was surely going to be difficult to accomplish. As their lips were milometers away, The red spandex user parted, facing a direction in no particular reason other than to pretend there was a camera there.

"Hope you had your fun and all, but I wanted you to write me a bitch, not write me as a bitch." The merc deadpanned, unsheathing a sword, he mounted of the lawn chair.

"You could have at least made her bigger around the chest."

_He's back baby!_

**I was getting used to the new him too...**

"Wh-what are you talking about pooliepoo?" Mary asked, her voice unsteady.

Regardless, the merc ignored her as he continued his rant to no one.

"Cut the bullshit, you know I'm here. Now I gotta kill her and then find your lousy ass."

Immediately, Deadpool jabbed his blade deep into the girls chest. The Mary's eyes widen in shock as she quickly slumped back down. Her lifeless body oozed out the internal liquids as it dangled from the lawn chair.

**Wait a minute, you just killed a Sue? How is that even possible?**

_Who cares, she scared off all the other bitches._

"Now, where you at eh? Canada? See you in thirteen minutes you no good fanboy. I'm going to carve a whole tattoo of my ass right on your check when I finally see y-"

THE END.

STORY IS DONE...

* * *

_**AN: Hope you liked, just an idea that popped into mind one day, felt like writing it. Lot of confusion surely, I hope you all were capable of following it. So, Rated M for obvious reasons. I hope he was in character. When he needed to be at least. **_


End file.
